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You’ve been horse-hunting for weeks, you’ve tried out a host of unsuitable horses and had more wild rides than David Britnell going round Badminton, but the deed is finally done. You’ve made an offer on a horse, it’s been accepted, and you’re picking up Prince at the weekend. Hurrah! Now buckle up your seatbelt, because you’re in for an emotional roller-coaster ride!

Expect to feel some panic as soon as the funds leave your bank account. Wild, paranoid thoughts will run through your mind, ranging from, ‘He’s far too good a horse for me, he’s probably never had such a rank amateur on his back as me. I’ll probably break him. And Prince’s advert said he wasn’t a novice ride! He’s going to kill me, isn’t he?’ to ‘Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, this is going to bankrupt me? Can I really afford a horse and a mortgage? What if I end up having to give up the house and live in the stable with Prince?’

Don’t worry, these fears will fade in the sober light of day, after a coffee or two. But as you stare at your work computer, ostensibly filling in a spreadsheet but actually day-dreaming about yourself and Prince winning the Horse Of The Year Show (or maybe just the Puissance at Olympia – you’re not fussy), that’s when the urge will strike. You may try and fight it, but resistance is futile. The call of the online horsey shops is just too strong – and before you know it, you’re going nuts in Naylors or on a buying rampage in Robinsons Equestrian.

The latest ergonomic bridle, rugs in all colours and thickness, those absolutely must-have leopard print travel boots (OK, maybe that’s just me), and buckets and haynets galore – into your basket they go. Oh, and he needs insuring too, of course. Before you know it, you’ve spent the amount you paid for Prince all over again. And to think you were congratulating yourself for staying in budget! Oh well, you’ll just have to hide your credit card bill from your other half for a few months…

…Talking of which, your OH may find himself (or herself) neglected for the next few days. Your head is in the clouds, and you’re spending every waking moment either replaying that HOYS dream in your head, or up at the yard, making sure Prince’s shavings bed is exactly the right depth and thickness in readiness for his arrival, and that his new rugs are hung just-so on the rug rack. The fact that none of this immaculate perfection will last five minutes once the horse actually turns up is neither here nor there.

As for your kids (if you have them), there’s a slight chance you might forget to take them to school, or indeed feed them. Your best hope is that they don’t burn the house down trying to cook potato waffles in the toaster (please note – this doesn’t work, and may also explode the toaster).

It’ll all be worth it when Prince arrives. Who needs a husband or kids – or a job or a good credit score – when you’ve got a horse? (Actually, you definitely do need the job and the good credit score to pay for Prince – so try and hang on to these!)

Anyone who’s ever bought a new horse will discover two things. Firstly, you will experience buyer’s remorse, when you wake up in the dead of night in a cold sweat going, ‘Oh god, what have I done?’ This normally happens around two weeks after the horse arriving, when it suddenly dawns on the nag that, no, it’s not going back to its old stable and yes, you are its new owner. Having not put a hoof wrong until now, it decides it’s time to test your boundaries, New Mum! Oh, what fun you’ll have together.