If you thinking selling a house is a minefield, then you’ve obviously never tried to sell a horse. Firstly, you have to deal with the guilt-trip you’ll get from well-meaning horsey friends. ‘But you and Prince have been doing so well together,’ they’ll cry, as you try desperately to raise your ‘medicinal’ glass of wine to your mouth despite the fact that your arm’s in a cast after an incident involving a wheelie bin, a bucking horse and a ditch. ‘Just hang in there!’
Your mind is made up, however, and your next job is to write Prince’s advert. This is easier said than done. Should you be honest? In which case, the advert would read:
’15.2 chestnut gelding, breeding unknown but suspect father to have been a fire-breathing dragon and mother a stubborn mule. Always in the ribbons, if by that you mean he’s jumped out of the dressage arena and barged into the secretary’s tent. Brilliant hack for anyone contemplating a career as a rodeo rider. Will be a rewarding project for someone with Teflon skin and a death wish.’
But on reflection, and after that glass of wine, you realise you’re being a bit harsh on poor old Prince. Also, there’s no way a dragon-mule hybrid will sell if you advertise it as a ‘good all-rounder.’ So instead you decide to focus on his good points instead – his brilliant jumping skills, the fact he can live out all year round, his loving nature.
It’s not enough just to have an advert and a couple of photos these days, either. Potential viewers expect videos of your horse excelling at every single discipline – which can be a problem if your horse doesn’t actually excel at any of them. As you lack the funds to hire Peter Jackson to direct Prince’s sales video, you’re forced to rope in a mate with a camera phone instead. Both you and Prince are inexplicably struck with camera shyness and find yourself crashing through the 80cm tracks you usually jump with ease. After 24 goes, you finally jump clear – only to find that your mate had their thumb over the camera lens!
Once your ad is written and your photos and videos are sorted, you have to decide on a price for Prince. How much is he worth? The truth of this is that he’s worth as much as someone is prepared to pay for him, which could be what you think he’s worth, or an entirely different figure altogether. It’s a philosophical conundrum that would leave Plato perplexed.
But it’s done and the ad is live. At midnight, you’re woken up by your phone bleeping madly. You’ve received a load of texts from potential buyers asking if your horse is still for sale and can they come and view it. Unfortunately, most of these turn out to be 14-year-olds who live in the Outer Hebrides and don’t have their own transport. They want YOU to take the horse to THEM. And then pay for him in instalments out of their pocket money.
When you do get a genuine enquiry, the only time they can view the horse inevitably clashes with your dentist’s appointment or a lunch with the girls. You reluctantly cancel it, figuring that selling your horse is more important. And then they don’t turn up.
After a few weeks of this, you’re convinced that Prince has somehow masterminded the whole thing so he can stay with you forever. And then he goes lame….
Of course, one way of making this whole process a lot less painful is to sell your horse through Right Horse Right Home. Uniquely, Right Horse Right Home helps you to write your advert and does a great job of finding the right buyer (or loaner) for your horse. Out there somewhere, there’s a dragon/mule hybrid-lover who’d jump at the chance of owning Prince – and Right Horse Right Home will help you connect the pair of them. With sensible advice and a helping hand from the experts, you can sell your horse. Give them a go, you know it makes sense.